someone or something help me to hold on

[demon chloe]

Today, I get up lazily go over to my Moms to continue cleaning out her house and working on packing/ garage sale stuffs... Anyway, my oldest sister has taken a family leave to help this transition happen ...she lives over 100 miles away and drives out about 4 or 5 times a week. She came home and immediately called Nursing home "A".

Nursing home "A" is where my Mom presently attends Adult Day Services. My mom is no longer safe at home alone. She needs constant attention when she is in a moving position. She never walks w/o a walker AND another person to assist. We wheel her every where we can. Last fall, my sister began the process of getting my Mom into the nursing home. She sat with the social worker, did a tour and pretty much was told to give them a 2 day notice... that room was available. So, we commenced thru winter...discussing this weekly, how the time was coming, and it wouldn't be fun, or pleasant, but that it was necessary and we'd all get through this together. About a month ago? I can't remember exactly, my sisters, my mom and myself all toured this same nursing home. The social worker gave us a tour. SHe was not warm, or f uzzy. She did speak soft and gentle ... and soothing, but I didn't feel soothed by her. I don't think anyone else in my family got that feeling though, just me. When we spoke at that meeting my Mom shed many tears. SObbed like an 5 year old many times. It wasn't easy. All of us cried.... but we left knowing it was a good place and shed be well cared f or. Again, we were told that she would call us at the beginning of the month to shed some light on a move in date.

----->> My Mom is officially homeless as of August 19. We have sold her house and since weve been assured that she now has a new "home"....we just have been plugging away w/ the cleaning and emptying.

Sooo, my sisters calls the social worker at nursing home "A" many times last week and leaves messages. Today she finally made contact w/ the s worker but she said there were no beds available. The new dementia wing they just constructed was to open up several beds in the regular nursing home and as it turned out, when they really looked at their cliental clientel clientelle....client something tell........?? That not as many of their clients would be m oving to the new unit, meaning less beds available.

WHaT THE FART DOES THAT MEAN????????

You have no clue. Just being the person listening to one side of the conversation told me everything I needed to know. I was appalled. We have tried SO hard as a family to do this the right wa y. My sister is the most intelligent, extremely anal, over prepared person in the world... to the point shed love to strangle me on any given day at any given moment. Im too whimsical for her. We did everything like we were supposed to... often we are told that there are very few families out there that would go to this length for a parent. ANyway, long story short...... My sister came right out and asked...." Did I put all my eggs in one basket to have it be dropped on the floor?" "Should I begin looking for an alternative placement?".... The social worker replied yes.

My gut instinct was right.

So, no tears, just a phone book and a lack of trust and we were on o ur way to finding another placement.....--->> we hoped.

It's been so hard, horribly so... getting my Mom in the frame of mind that this is it... she has to go. No more T hanksgivings, Christmas's ...birthdays.... no bbq's... House sold in 2 days and the hope she had that it would be on the market for 8 months came to a fleeting standstill. Instead of 8 months of wondering. It was a 2 day frenzy.

It has been said to me, by her Dr, her home health care workers and even my sister...who is an RN.....t hat she might not live thru Christmas. Right now she has the potential to live many more years... but the stress of these kind of situations makes people retreat inward and dementia and other things can set in and take their will away..... along w/ them.

I am a firm believer that there are worse fates then dying..... but I have to say.... That is not how I want to see her go..... to give up.

ANyway... what a thing to hear.... What is it w/ the system? Isn't someone's l ife precious enough to be able to give some definites? What a horrible thing for her to have to wonder.

Where will I go?
What if I don't like it there but they are the only ones with an available room?
What if ...
Why....
HOw....
What....
When......


So, anyways, this is where my head is at. It is all I know... and all I have right now. School is starting but I can't go in and work because im needed here at home. Im having a garage sale next weekend and so far im the only one to work it until 10 AM in the morning. I wish UK was here next week...... im hoping some school co workers will come and help me...as I have no clue what i will do... if I have to do it alone...

Keep on keeping on... thats what Danny used to tell me... he'd say....

They cant take away your birthday AMy What a fuckwit..... I get the nuance behind it...but no way in hell ever....will I look back at this and chuckle and think it wasn't as bad as it was.

No one is starving in Ethiopia in my family. No loved ones are in IRaq... but I feel like t here is a world crisis sitting right over my family. It hurts.. and im hurting.

[Kassy]

My, dear , Amy~
I have just read this post, and, fuck , ya, i am crying.
We went thru this with my grandmother, a few years back.
You think everything is all set, a place to care for your loved one, and WHAMMMMMMMMM......nope. Either they don't have the "right" insurance etc or something else.
I can tell you this....You can only do what you can do.
My mom, is still having severe "issues" over not being able to "care for" my grandmother in our house.
Like u said, your mom needs 24 hour assistance, as did my grandma.
You can only do what you can do, and honestly, my demon...........I think it f'n sucks, that it comes down to $$$.....
I miss my grandma, and how when she had no $ left, they wanted to "boot" her from her "assisted living".......
I can only say, that I am sending you and yours VERY positive thoughts............and I hope this works out for you.
You know how to reach me hon....I love you!
Kassy~*~~*
[img]graemlins/broken_heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[Blazey]

I left you a message on your cell... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[mRs.GaToR]

My dear Amy....where to start.....

i sent you a pm a week or two ago offering you
*HUGEHUGS* because I understand your situation..
and I explained why i understand...i dont know
if you got it or not...i hope you did...

I have no words to make you feel better because
in this situation, there is no better....it is
tough as hell to have to make decisions like this!
All I can do is hug you and tell you what you did
is right no matter how wrong it feels...you need
to think of your moms safety...and you have already
gone through some of that.....you know deep down
that she needs the help...and you are one hell of
a great daughter to her!

I will be saying a prayer for you and your family
for help to get through this and make the right
decisions....i wish i lived closer...i would be
right there to help you.....*HUGEHUGS* [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] ya!

[The Reverend Dark Angel]

Just look at it this way... There was something wrong with that Nursing Home and it's been shown to you before it is too late. Your sister, as much as a pain in the ass as she is, excel's in these types of situations; as you've stated to me more than once. Time may be running short, but it won't run out. This all may be stressful, but it could be what your mom needs to make her realize that she can still be determined and strong. Sometimes what seems to be a curse is just a blessing in disguise. And as for school, you're a teacher, even if you can't be at school, you'll always teach someone something.

[Blazey]

TJ...wow! You pretty much just summed it all up perfectly. I'm just sittin here hoping amy will read this. I know she didnt mail me or call back and ive not seen her on here..but i sure hope she reads this..TJ you impressed me.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

We went through all of this with my Great Grandmother and it causes A LOT of heartache and tension because you find yourself in a situation where your family is bickering over money and pressed for time but everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another opens so don't give up hope. It is sad that these places aren't easier to work with and don't simplify the paperwork and so on up front. *soft smile* It will all work itself out. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[demon chloe]

update....


First, to all my friends... thank you so much for your thoughts ... it means a lot to me. I need them more than you know right now. Truly shows me how wonderful some of you are.

Mom update....

Definitely some big changes in the next day or two. I've been hiding out as it hasn't been easy on my family. I am very surprised how hard it's been on me. I knew it would be hard, I had no idea i'd be feeling like this tho....

After everything calms down in the next week... I will be back.... im sure...

Love you guys... truly.... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[EvolutionHasBegun]

and we love you too...

[demon chloe]

HUge smile..... [img]smile.gif[/img] I feel a little like myself today finally. Tears only once...and even then they just sat there...never fell out.


[img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img] 's EVo cuz he's cute n all [img]tongue.gif[/img]